Hmmm…

You do something you believe in entirely. You are convinced it will work, and it does. Then after a while you wonder if it is still working. Was it really the right thing to do? Were you wrong in doing it or wrong in thinking about it now, it’s spilled milk after all. Is it a passing phase? Were you beliefs wrong?
But nothing in life is coincidental, it all happens for a reason, a good one at that. Do you still subscribe to that? Destiny…we make our own, no?

Birthday reflections

I’m running the risk of sounding like one of those sent-a-million-times-over-email-forward, but I will continue undaunted with some of the things I’ve personally experienced and realised having come this far…So jotting this down here. It’s a long list!

You can’t change the old school of thought parents come from, no matter how hard you try or how much you try and explain your point of view. It’s best to be obedient soemtimes. No questions asked.

Having a close knit family is the most important thing in life. It most often consists of your inner circle of friends and just very few relatives. They can be the sole reason of you surviving tough phases. It’s impossible to thank them or tell them how much they mean to you.

A job is only a part of your life. It’s not your life. But never undermine it’s importance. Standing on one’s two feet is the best thing you can do for yourself.

You can’t help it if your childhood friend goofs up. That friendship is sacred and will be there forever. Doesn’t matter if you don’t agree on most of the things the friend does.

There is a very thin line between spending and splurging.

White lies save a lot of trouble and heartache. Complete honesty sometimes is not the best policy.

Sometimes nothing ever comes to you on a platter. Every thing needs hard work. And a bit of luck.

You have to keep trying to make a few things work. Keep on trying.

Marriage is for keeps. You have to choose right. Period.

Hope can be cruel sometimes and can easily break your heart.

There is little difference between optimism and realism. Each work well in their own way.

You might not always get what you deserve. You get less at times, more at other times and just the right amount sometimes.

Everything’s not black or white. There’s grey too. Different shades of grey.

If you can’t laugh at yourself, you’ll never recognise the humour of life.

Religion and God are very personal things. You cannot fathom another person’s reaction on this.

You must have something you love to do. Be it a hobby or anything else.

You’ll always treasure the crazy, wild nights. Even if you’ve made a fool of yourself on each and every one of those nights.

It’s amazing how contradictory events and feelings can be experienced. Life is ironic.

A house accumulates objects over the years without you realising it. Go minimal. Give away things you don’t need.

Charity begins at home. So does keeping your environment green and clean.

You will have atleast one neighbour you don’t like.

Enjoy a sport even if you don’t or can’t play it.

Music and movies are universal.

Indifference is the answer to a lot of things.

Talking, ‘getting things off your chest’ and sharing really helps.

There’s no substitute to home food. And your mother’s cooking.

Nature will always amaze you. Be it as small as the smell of the earth after rain. Or the bloom of flowers in spring. Or the summit of a mountain. Or a flowing river. Or the raging sea and the blissful beach. Or snow.

Have a garden, even if it’s just potted plants in a 2×2 square.

Know when to let go and when to continue.

Compromise makes for a good umbrella but not a good roof.

A family that travels together (on a regular basis) stays together.

Always give the benefit of doubt before jumping into conclusions.

No matter how old you are, you’ll still be a kid to your parents which means you’re still as likely to get ticked off as you were when you were a kid.

Beauty is skin deep and is very much in the eyes of the beholder.

Relationships are dynamic. That’s the best part about them.

There’s nothing like ‘getting over’ the passing away of a parent. Time doesn’t heal everything. All the memories are just locked up in a black box inside the back of your head. There will be times when you will open it up and everything comes flooding back. Like reality. The past takes over you and the present blurs. And the pain stays, forever…

You must be comfortable being by yourself and giving that space to yourself even if all you do during that time is ‘nothing’.

Things usually don’t go as expected or planned. However it’s still important to plan.

You can never expect the unexpected.

Material things sometimes never match up to genuine words.

Change is always drastic.

Life can turn topsy-turvy anytime.

Don’t just laugh, guffaw.

Spontaneity is good.

Finding happiness in the details and the small things can keep you going even if there’s nothing big happening in your life. Never lose the ability to notice and enjoy them. And start doing those small things that can make a difference.

It’s all about balance.

p.s. I’ll probably add more to this list. Guess I’m not just getting older, but wiser as well, no?

Irony

Isn’t it ironic when you finally get something you’ve always wanted (and deserved) after a long and painful wait, it takes away most of the fizz associated with it? And then it just becomes something that could have been very very special but now is plain ordinary…now it’s, ‘oh well, it was long overdue, so no big deal!’
Or is it just me?

General catch up…

I know I have been away for a while…though I’ve religiously updated my travel blog. You know how life has a way making you busy…with work, friends and family. It’s actually a nice thing to have packed days, but sometimes you do need those empty hours where you have time to blog and read others’ blogs!

 A very close friend of mine visited us after a gap of over 10 months. It’s so reassuring when you meet people after a long time and realize nothing’s changed and you can pick up the thread right where you left off. I know I might have said this earlier, but everytime it happens, it gladdens me like nothing else.

[The below is unrelated to the above...in fact, all the paras in this post are all unrelated to each other!]

 It struck me that faith can actually make people do a lot of things, especially here in India where faith runs deep. I was having this conversation with someone about how people aged 50+ years can trek in snow or slush in dizzying altitudes only to get a glimpse of their God’s idol. Take for example Amarnath, Vaishno Devi, Mt Kailash (manasa sarovara). Or even climb hundreds of steps to reach a temple on top of a hill (take Tirumala for example). People who wouldn’t have done any training to do such things. In a way it’s amazing how they get the sheer willpower to do this. Faith can drive things, no? I have utter admiration for such people…if I had to do any of these (though I’ve climbed the Tirumala hill long back and treked the 15 odd kms to Vaishno Devi, these were done when I was in my early college years, so my fitness levels weren’t much of a concern…but I still remember when climbing the steps to Tirumala peak, I had to stop at one point because of breathlessness, it was so steep) Now, I would take a few weeks off, train and then go. I saw some pictures and videos of Mt Kailash and it blew my mind. I need to go there someday. For sure. Not beacuse I have religious inclinations, but beacuse I see God in nature and what He (or the ‘power’) has created there is absolutley breathtaking.

Social conciousness anyone?

Woah…big phrase, isn’t it? Being socially aware according to me is not just talking about problems plaguing the society (like what I’m doing now!), but it also consists of doing something about it. I was talking to our family physician a couple of weeks back and she was going over some anecdotes with us. It made me realise how awfully blind we are about things around us. She is a social worker in the true sense. She treats needy people for free, she gives away medicine to them as well (what’s the point of diagnosing the problem, when they can’t afford the medicine is her take on it), she feeds anyone who comes to her doorstep, she collects clothes, stationery from her well-to-do patients and gives them to her needy patients, she buys bus charge for some of them (again, her point here is that if they can’t come to her, then she can’t help them), she visits villages regualry to treat people, she’s almost adopted 2 women in her own house and has given them education and a life (she even got one married). And her fees to the rest of the people is painfully mninmal. In these days where doctors charge a mninmum of 200 Rs (or more) for a mere consultation, she doesn’t charge first time consultations at all!! Oh well, she IS one of a kind.

A mixed week

Three of my good friends have graduated to the so-called ultimate stage of being a woman. They have become mothers now. From being an infant themselves, to being schoolgirls, to being college hotshots, to being professionals, to being responsible and kind daughters, to being great wives and understanding daughters-in-law, they have now come a full circle. They have a baby of their own. They hold the entire responsiblity of another being. Wishing them all the happiness in their new role.

  One of my closest friends lost his father last weekend. They say nothing is more final than death. It’s the ultimate truth that we all push away ‘coz it’s too hard to face. What can you say that can bring solace? Nothing. Nothing at all. It’s an individual battle and has to be fought on your own. Taking each day at a time, literally. Time doesn’t heal, but definitely helps in moving on to concentrate on other things that have sprung up…but it will still remain an open wound whose pain can strike you anytime, anywhere…

They say “Death is not the greatest loss in life; the greatest loss is what dies in you when you are alive”.

Life and Death…the ultimate joy and the ultimate sorrow…if death is reality, is life just an illusion?

Being negative

Ever noticed how a person’s negative attitude rubs off on you if you spend too much time with them? Agreed, you’re a cheerful person, but having somebody around you who almost incessantly cribs about situations, who always somehow misinterprets what people do. Who’s just bent upon making you see the wrong side of things! Though you might like the person, this one particular attitude can be such a turn off. Especially at the workplace. Feeling helpless and negative is really not something you want to be. I wonder what drives people to spread this feeling. Maybe they just can’t help it. Is it because there is no other vent for this but to throw it on all the people around you? The problem is, it has the annoying ability to trickle down and get into you.Sigh…I wish such people get miraculous solutions to their frustrations…’coz it’s not nice to spread this feeling around! An awful thing to catch…thankfully I’m moving away from that atmosphere, so I’m saved…phew! Long live optimisn, hope and positive energy

This is why I like it here…

Being in India I mean, as compared to being elsewhere. Small things which, for me, make a big difference. Of course, not counting the fact that home is afterall home. I loved being in the US for the little while I was there, but I missed some key things (no, not family and food, they are the obvious ones).  Stuff that make living simpler here (at least for me).

Like having a maid servant who can take care of cleaning the house and maybe even help around in buying groceries when you’re ill. At least my mom’s maid servant does it (My maid servant, well, that’s another story altogether. She has this record with herself every single day. She has to finish up brooming and mopping in flat 7 minutes, or else she her food doesn’t digest!). Like having a cook if you need to…who you can train to cook like how you want her to or atleast help with the cooking (cutting veggies n all that), so you can just waltz in and give the finishing touches!! Having the ‘iron’ fellow…uhh…I mean the guy who irons clothes for a living. One thing I absolutely detest doing is ironing my clothes. I loathe the task. Having this ‘iron’ guy around is a blessing. And you’ll most certianly find one, if not in your road, in the next one. For sure. There used to be a time when I lived with my parents, the maid servant would wash the clothes (my mother doesn’t believe in a washing machine) and once dried, she would take them to get them ironed. I didn’t even have to tell her which ones to take…she knew it! That’s the best part about living here…having help to make life simpler and easier. Even gardeners, plumbers, electricians, carpenters are all just a conversation away. Speak to your neighbour or your maidservant, or even the local grocer and next day you’ll have the required person ringing your door bell.

 There’s no way you can get all this abroad, unless you’re really rich. Middle class families can’t expect to live like how middle class here does with all the help around. Of course money is a part of this, but here I feel it’s more about relationships. My mother’s maidservant knows my entire family. We know her family, we’re the ones she comes to in case of any monetary need. We help in her childrens’ education. If she goes to her village, she brings along some fresh vegetables and fruits grown in her agriculture land. My mother’s office driver (her office has these 2 drivers that cater to the enitre office) knows all the houses of our relatives, he can drop anyone anywhere without any of us being in the car! We in turn know his family too…he comes home to give sweets on a festival! My mother-in-law has these 2-3 office boys who gladly do her small time work (delivering  or picking up things from one place to another). My friends, my husband they know their car and bike mechanics so well that if they need a quote for a car, or if they need some servicing, or they need some help with their vehicles, all they have to do is just call the mechanic. Everything will eb taken care of. If they need to buy a used car, they tell him, and he finds one for them or directs them to someone who can find one for them. No online searching. Of course this whole ‘do everything online’ is catching up here and how. It’s great in some areas (like paying your bills n all that) but for others, I think a personal touch is what makes it work.

And having all these people around is soooooooo nice. You don’t even have to be rich to get all this…You have to just be genuinely nice, respect them, help them, treat them kindly and of course pay them without questions. A whole network of symbiotic relationships. It works and keeps everyone happy. And most importantly it saves time…so that you can spend it doing what you’d really want to do. Compare this to how you have to live elsewhere. You clean, you drive, you fix things, you just about do everything yourself. The shelves of the stores are filled with DIY kits. Well, it is nice to do things on your own, but in this world of less time, you need all the help you can get, atleast on the week days That’s why I love it here, despite all its problems, India is…still a personal place.

Reminiscing over a song

A normal morning except I heard someone’s mobile phone ring in a particular tune. Instrumental. Soft. Known. Beckoning. Took me back to a time when I loved that song to bits. I still do, just that the intensity of those times is missing. Just like life, just like love. When there’s no intensity, it fades and remains either as a dull ache in the back of your mind or a dull memory. However you choose it. I’m digressing. Coming back to the song…usually I like songs purely for the reason they’re composed. It sounds good. Lyrics come next. This particular song however is in a language I don’t understand. A long lost friend of mine introduced me to the song and I remember having wonderful times listening to it time and again. For some reason, this song miraculously played itself (coincidence or was it?) whenever we were having either a good time or after we’d finished fighting! So this song for me is attached to those memories. Like a beacon, it leads me back to those days…the conversations, the laughter, the arguments, the tears, the easy camaraderie, the playfulness, the lies, the comfort, the intensity, the anger…a whole gamut of emotions that encompass a turbulent relationship. That can never come alive again, except in my mind. As it did today. Vividly. Each detail being etched out. Images moving around. It went so far as to make me remember some of the exact conversations we had whilst this was playing in the background. Sent a shiver down my spine. It’s eerie sometimes how you can recall every minute detail like it happened yesterday and be stuck with some glaring memory lapses at times…

To bribe or not to bribe

What’s with bribe and Indian officials? Seeped into the system from the lowest to the highest level. Something we, the common citizens just have to accept and live with. We were at the registrar’s office last weekend. Had to get a registered document. There were a set of people (employees most likely) sitting right by the door, each with a table on which there was a fat typewriter. We went to the first one to inquire about our work. That’s it. From that moment on, we were his ‘clients’. He (we’ll call him Mr N) said he’ll get our work done. If we go inside and try and do it ourselves, it might take a very long time, so let him handle all of it was his suggestion. Being well versed with these kind of ‘helpful’ babus, we declined, told him we already had the application form all filled in, just let us know where we need to submit it. N had one look at it and said that it wasn’t the right form. Format has changed. We needed to buy a new application. Completely our fault, we should have smelled a rat at this stage. But there was one more person who came from inside and told us the format had indeed changed. So the application we had filled in went out and N gave us a brand new one (which now in hindsight looks suspiciously like the old one). He said he’ll do all the typing and even put in witnesses (along with signatures!!). So he took our details and typed everything in.